Wednesday, October 1, 2008


OK, I know I've already posted today but I have somethings that I need to get off my chest.

What is a friend? I thought it was someone who would be with you through absolutely everything and be the one person you could count on. I either have a dumb idea about what a friend is or i am just lousy and picking them.

I have my two best friends. These two know who they are and have been with me through pretty much everything. I met one of these people in my first week of college. We got a long great and when it came time to decide on roommates for next year both of us were hesitant to pick each other for fear that we wouldn't be able to get along, well it became an necessity for us to pick roommates or not get a room so we decided that we were would room together, best decision for us, for almost 8 years later we all still as close as sisters.

the other one I met when I was a junior in college.  he is one of the best guys that I know. If I ever had a problem I know that he would be down here in flash to do whatever I needed. He listens to me ramble and helps me through all of my problems and vice versa.  We make an effort to talk and to see each other which is how lasting friendships are formed.  

They say friends are like family, and with those two i couldn't have asked for better family.

Than there are the friends who I thought would be there till the end. Throughout college I called these two my best friends. One I met on prom night and our friendship quickly became great even though we went to different colleges. After senior year though I realized we weren't actually friends. When I decided to go away to school I lost almost all of my friends from home. I just found that I didn't connect with them anymore. I was bored sitting around my house all by myself and this friend felt the same way, so we used each other for company when we were home on breaks. OF course i went and visited her at school a few times but I began to realize not once did she even make the effort to come up and visit me or to see my dorm or campus. Her boyfriend at the time had made the effort why couldn't she. She didn't really care about me, she just wanted something to do with someone. needless to say we don't talk anymore.

Then there is a certain someone who is say fell into the vortex that is North Carolina. We were closer than close, like brother and sister. I could tell him anything, but after graduation things began to change. It was great for awhile and than when he moved to NC things began to change. No longer was I that important to him, he now could go 6-9 months without speaking to me. I would call him and get no call back, and I would have to hear about his life from a mutual friend. I became very very resentful of this mutual friend and their friendship, it seemed like to me that he chose her over me. I just don't feel like we know each other at all anymore. I mean I bet you he couldn't name my favorite baseball player or my favorite movie anymore.. I know nothing about him either.

So the question is, is this my fault? Do I have too high of standards for friends? am I too demanding? I just don't know. All I know is that I feel alone a lot and I wish to hell that I didn't!

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